*originally posted 08/07/15
I recently read online that August is Romance Awareness Month. At first I thought “Why on Earth is there a Romance Month? There’s already Valentine’s Day to celebrate love.” But after further thought, I realized that there are several reasons to celebrate the act of romance and affection. You see, beyond the fact that being more romantic will strengthen your bond with your partner, it also effects any children that you may have.
If you have children of your own, or have ever worked with children in some capacity, you know that kids watch everything. Every single thing. They mimic what they see and repeat what they hear. So even though you may not realize it, little Suzie sees when you come up behind your partner in the kitchen and wrap your arms around their waist. She also sees when you come home from work and don’t even say hello to your partner before grabbing a beer. You may not think anything about it, but Suzie thinks about it a lot. According to K. Michelle Tapia, a licensed therapist from California, “Seeing parents happy together breeds emotionally healthy children. Expressing affection to your partner can help your child feel secure and stable. They can see their parents taking care of themselves so that frees them up to enjoy being a child.”
So many kids have either gone through a divorce, or have a friend that has. When children see their parents being affectionate towards each other, it alleviates some of their fears that the tragedy of divorce could happen to them. There’s an expression that goes “Date your Mate”. It’s sad that that sentiment has to be spelled out, but so many people stop being romantic and affectionate towards their partner after marriage, because they feel like they’ve already “won” that person and there’s no reason to keep trying to woo them. Your children will see that, and it will build the foundation of how they think romantic relationships should be. According to Dr. Ken Canfield, of the National Center for Fathering,
“Living out your wedding vows also helps your children. You can talk to your kids through their first dates and let them know what to expect, but you can show them a lot too. Your son is taking subconscious notes. He’s asking, ‘How should I treat women?’ ‘What does it mean to be a husband?’ Your daughter also has her eye on you. The thought of giving herself to a man in marriage can be frightening. She is asking herself how well her mother fared in the deal.”
How children see their parents acting towards each other doesn’t just set the foundation for their own future relationships, it also has a huge impact on the child’s mental health. There was a study published in the journal Child Development about 235 middle-class families from the Midwest and Northeast United States, who had children that were in kindergarten. What the researches did, was took these families and asked about their level of marital conflict, and evaluated how critical they were of their partner. Seven years later, when those children were in 7th grade, researchers followed up with the families. Of the 235 families, 36 couples were separated or divorced, and two fathers had died. The researchers asked the kids and parents various questions concerning their emotional health and behavior. The study showed that “kids whose parents fought the most when the child was in kindergarten felt less emotionally secure, or felt less safe and protected. Kids who were less emotionally secure had more mental health issues such as symptoms of depression and anxiety, as well as behavioral problems.”
If you’re in a relationship with somebody, you should be loving and affectionate towards them all year long. But let’s take the month of August to really focus on being intentional about romance. Use this “Romance Awareness Month” to evaluate yourself and make yourself aware of ways you could improve. I guarantee you’ll appreciate the effects of putting forth the effort, and so will your partner and children.